The dull blue iris of Lethera’s eye rolled center from the back of her head. Her eyelids twitched, moisture clearing cracked visions of a ceiling. She is here now…where was she before she could see the ceiling? It was just blackness then. There was no urge for meat then. Now that she was here and not there, she wanted…something. No…she needed something. Something to tear into… to chew?

Lethera’s teeth clenched together and separated involuntarily. Or was she making herself do it? It felt right anyway. She lifted her hand and studied it. There were patches of different colour…like there was something different under her skin. Lethera’s face lifted towards the hard, sitting up from laying on the floor in the same motion. Something else happened, she knew something was there and it was good….she could…smell it?

Her head snapped forward and she bit into the palm of her hand, teeth catching flesh and gnawing at it until she tasted a bitter fluid in her mouth. The liquid almost could have been that of what she craved. It was close, but she had expected it to taste…well better…this wasn’t satisfying. It was wrong. Where was she going to find the right stuff?

Lethera let the blood overflow from her mouth and drop onto herself. Suddenly her eyes widened at her wound. A high pitched moan like cry boiled in her throat and escaped her lips. She took her hand in the other and began to rock back and forth.

What the fuck was that?

It fucking hurt when the red stuff came…

Lifting herself from the floor, Lethera unclenched her hand and gazed at it more. The pain was getting better, throb by throb. Maybe it was more the shock of the pain then the actual pain that made her scream out…

Her mind stopped concentrating on her wound all together. Hunger took over ever last urge, thought, emotion and instinct. Not that she knew the difference between them. Her muscles twitched, awaiting nutrition, her insides grumbled, unsatisfied. Lethera’s whole body begged for food.

Must feed, starving.

Almost like she had done it once before, she exited a maze of big white walls and swinging doors. The air was different outside, cooler, not that she really noticed. Their was only one thing going on in her world.
Lethera continued in and out of darkened alleyways and side streets. Her hunger grew more intense with each step. She couldn’t feel the blood she had drawn for herself anymore, it dripped freely, trailing behind her, marking her zig-zag path around the neighbourhood.

Need food…starving, fucking starving!

Lethera’s let out a grunt then stopped in mid-step. Sound echoed through the alleys, sound of food? Her body lowered in an instinctual scouting pose. More sound, food. Get it…

There was no strategy, only determination. The craving of flesh blinded all the little intellect she had left and her body jolted forward in a sprint.

Pat...pat...patpatpatpatpat

With every lengthy stride Lethera took, her feet connecting with the wet and puddle laced pavement made quick slapping sounds. Lethera then understood the same sound she was making by running, was the sound that made her start running in the first place…

Food, fucking starving

Lethera rounded a corner, seeing a glimpse of color darting down a different path. At that instant Lethera began salivating uncontrollably, pace quickening. The crave for flesh was now unbearable, the chase was on. Following the prey, she turned, now at a straight stretch of nothing but overfilled garbage cans and a running source of food. Food was right there in front of her…get it…eat it.

A mortified scream echoed along the streets. A victim fell forward, exhausted from fright. There is no stopping human nature. The woman that Lethera was closing in on began to scramble on her hands and knees forward, trying to gain grip on the slippery pavement. The human whipped around, facing her attacker. There was no chance. She was done like dinner.

Lethera ran into the prey at full momentum. The two of them skidded down the pavement, Lethera scrambling to get on top of the woman like a cat attacking a mouse on hardwood floors, The torn skin of the woman’s road rash filled the air with the aroma of fresh meat.

Oh god that smell…its mine, my food.

Lethera’s hand reached out with both hands and took the screaming woman’s throat. The high pitched sounds angered Lethera, it hurt her ears. The zombie leaned down close to the victims face, feeling hot breath on her own. Louder and more bone chilling then they prey under her, Lethera shrieked in the woman’s face, curdling the blood of any human around. The shriek of a zombie was recognizable by every survivor on earth. Each and everyone of them has heard that sound at least once.

Lethera’s fingertips tightened and clenched the woman’s neck. The human was still screaming but it became quieter and broken. Red stuff came out of the puncture holes, oozing over Lethera’s pale small fingers. It smelt so sweet. Out of instinct, the zombie lifted the woman’s head and started beating it on the ground, over and over again. More and more blood came and Lethera could not hold back any longer.

With her fingers hooked onto flesh, Lethera began to tear away at the throat. The red stuff bubbled where she had pulled the flesh back and no more screaming came from the food. The only sound that remained was what probably would have been breath escaping the oesophagus of Lethera’s prey; and the zombie herself, still screaming.

Face first into the mess, Lethera began to feed, screaming subduing into slurping and gnawing sounds. Energy filled her, the taste of it all made the zombie’s eyes roll back in her head.

Satisfaction. Absolute satisfaction.

Requests:

Meal

I have terrible grammar, but lots of ideas. Give me some critique, it’ll help me out.

Well, let me start by saying I loved this. Spelling and grammar were pretty much spot on for the most part, aside from the fact that you misspelled "absolute" in the title and you spelled your character's name differently in the piece and on your account. Might want to check that stuff again. Anyways, the story was great and from the point of view of a zombie no less. Very tense, gruesome and gory. Like I said, loved it.

A couple suggestions though. You might want to add a bit more to a few of your descriptions, especially regarding your surroundings. Try to bring in those senses more to make the reader really feel like they're there. You're good in that area as of now but you can still improve to make it great. And that's pretty much all of the advice I can give you right now. Everything is good but I'm sure you can make it great with a little work.

Anyways, here's a nice simple counter for you.

Counter

As you dig in and start to feast, a small pack of four of your undead brethren approach, pulled in by your victim's screams and the delicious scent of her organs as they're torn to pieces. They each shreik loudly before charging towards you and your dinner.

So, you can share your tasty treat and maybe gain some followers. Or, you can be stingy and save her all for yourself.

The kill was a success and the craving became bearable. It was still there, but bearable. Lethera enjoyed the absence of screaming. The end of screaming mean she had won, she got food. The bright white orb in the sky appeared from behind a cloud, making it easier to see the feast. She gorged and gorged. It was the only thing that made sense to her, not that she minded not being able to comprehend. Eating felt good, it was the only feeling she wanted, the only thing she needed.

Lethera lifted her head, thick crimson coated her entire head and chest. It soaked through the white night grown that she once as a human so dearly admired. The blood stained her bleached hair and poured back out of her lips every time she brought her head down to eat again, unable to swallow every mouthful.

Pat patpatpatpatpat

"URAAAHHHHHHHHHHH"

Instinctively Lethera stopped eating and looked up, eyes widening to take in the shadows from down the alley. The noise was recognizable, it was the sound of a chase…a pray? It sounded like food but it wasn’t. It was running towards…her? A new urge came over Lethera but she didn’t know what it was. Run? Attack?
Before her simple mind could even try at decipher it, nature took over. Food, my kill. Eat.

Her head forcefully shoved its way into the dead woman’s upper chest, gnawing at what was left of the lungs, often getting the vein-y flesh caught in her throat, triggering a gag reflex that was still there. Lethera just choked and continued eating.

She was watching the others as they came, closer and closer. Each one’s feet left the pavement and there was no running sound anymore. Three of them leapt in beside Lethera, helping themselves to the flesh, tearing and biting. One over shot the meat completely when he jumped and landed behind Lethera, toppling over a discarded washing machine. Lethera continued to feed, grayish blue eyes under bloodshot starring at the others who had come as well. The fourth scrambled behind her and managed to take the lower portion of the thigh. They others just ate and ate, tearing into muscles and ripping away at bones.

Lethera lifted her head from the prey, cautious of the others. Slowly, she brought her head towards the large figure feeding across from her. Once close, she inhaled the back of his neck and quickly brought her head back. He smelled of bad food like…her….

They was no room left in Lethera’s body to consume more but she tried. The urge never left, just lessened with a full stomach. These others ate like she did. They may have hungered like she did. When there was nothing left to scrape off the pavement, the others stood and began to wander away. Lethera didn’t recognize it, but instinctively, she wanted to go with them. Strength in numbers didn’t even enter her mind. It was just nature to follow.

She brought herself up to her feet from her knees, blood dripping off her nightgown and onto her feet. The only white left on her clothing was where she has sat on her ass and ate. Lethera looked down at herself, head tilting. The cloth that hung off her neck, stuck to her body, caked in a red coating. She took her hand and ran it down over her breast and down her slightly bulging stomach. The red liquid poured off her fingers with the swipe. She might as well have been looking blindly at herself, not recognizing anything . She repeated this step, not sure why.

Her head looked up and she saw the group of predators getting farther and farther away. She began to follow them, trailing them about 30 feet.

Food was good. Feel strong? Hand doesn’t hurt.




Requests:

Lethera’s Zombie mind to be able to comprehend screaming
Lethera’s Zombie mind to comprehend the sound of running.
Now in a pack of four

(Ooops, I'm a perfect example of learning how to read by reading liqour bottles lol. Thanks very much for the advice. I really enjoryed the counter. Thank you for grading)



(p,s. I would really appricate if someone could change my characters name by taking out the 'a' in Leathera. I'm not sure if you can do that or not.)

Well, I must say I certainly enjoyed this. Like the original piece, lots of blood and gore. And I love the way you describe things with just enough detail to make things clear to the reader, but also simple enough to express how little is actually going on in her mind, being dead and all. Very nice.

Good story, good counter-response, good everything. All requests granted. And as for the name thing, might want to ask YJ about that, seeing as he's the only one that can change names I think.